Frustration and Writing

I wrote about ebbs and flows in writing last time around and I wanted to elaborate on that just a bit.  Sometimes once a month-or even a couple of months at a time-I go through a dry period.  My head seems to go blank (no jokes please:-)).  For the life of me, I can't come up with ideas, or when I do, they feel completely mediocre.

I know I already said as much last time, but one thing I didn't focus on was that sneaky little voice inside my head who says things like this.  Why bother?  You're no good at this.  Just give up.  You're wasting your time.  The seeds of self-doubt.  I struggle with them often, more than I'd like to admit.  Perhaps it is this particular struggle that keeps me from shouting from the rooftops as I said in my first blog post.  What if I'm terrible?  What if people make fun of me for saying I'm a writer?  Don't you have to be published to call yourself a writer?

The first time one of my good friends read my manuscript, I was a nervous wreck.  I waited on pins and needles for her to finish it.  Surprise of all surprises, she loved it!  She even cried during one pivotal scene.  Finally, I thought maybe I can do this after all.

The self-doubt still rears its ugly head.  Too often:-(  Like right now for instance.  I haven't submitted in more than a year.  I received some promising feedback on that manuscript but after I went through my list of agents, I put it aside and started on another and then another and still another.  I have three novel-length manuscripts I should be polishing.  Reading, correcting and reading again, but I don't.  Why?  Because I'm not sure they're good enough and more ideas keep circling through my head begging to be written.  I tell myself the next idea is a better one and I should finish it first.

Today, I'm setting a goal for myself.  Take a second look at manuscript 1.  Edit if needed and resubmit. Flesh out manuscript 2 and edit and edit some more.  Write the ending of manuscript 3 to tie up all the loose ends and go through the same process as the others.  Put aside manuscript 4 until I've finished up the others.

Wow!  My head is spinning just thinking about it and still those pesky ideas keep coming.  And to those doubts, I say go away!  I've got work to do!